The victim mentality tends to take root early on in life. You constantly hear people complain about not getting a break or being stuck in the same place. We want to take a look at how to stop being a victim.
These are common sayings you incorporate into your belief system, which soon leads you to have a victim complex. Of course, there is a choice not to be like this, but it is easy to come under the spell of the victim mentality when everyone surrounding you seems to be in a similar state.
Overview of the Victim Mentality
Having a victim mentality can even feel beneficial because you can fit in so easily with the majority of society.
But is this really what you want, to settle for less? Would you not rather be that person you truly want to be?
When you look back on the last few conversations you had with friends or even with strangers, it is very likely that you were whining or complaining about one thing or another.
Many people relish talking about the difficulties of life, even with complete strangers. Here are some of the common phrases a person with a victim mentality often says:
- “I don’t…”
- “I can’t….”
- “I’m always stuck in the same spot”
- “Life is unfair”
- “Things are always bad”
- “Why me…”
When you play the role of a victim in life, achieving any goal seems near impossible. Life will keep dealing you the bad hand time and time again.
Having a victim mentality means you have low expectations in life and you don’t have the confidence to pursue a positive change in your life, such as in your love life, financial life, or your career.
We all know someone with a victim mentality
I know a woman with a victim complex that’s so severe it sometimes seems like she actually enjoys it. Every time she opens her mouth to speak it is to complain, criticize or whine about life.
Her life is just so hard, she has bad health, her kids don’t understand her, her husband is a this or a that or a you-know-what. It is very exhausting having a conversation with that woman and just being around her can be so unpleasant.
The victim mentality is, in a sense, like a parasitic micro-organism that latches itself onto a person and buries deep inside, taking over.
It can be extremely difficult to treat and can often be quite contagious. Unfortunately, some people don’t even realize they are victims of the victim mentality, making the situation all the more tragic.
Advice on How Not to be a Victim
Life is full of opportunities but a person stuck in the victim mentality is not likely to see them. If you want to get ahead and find happiness and contentment in this life you need to refocus your mind and steer it away from the path of self-pity.
When you play the role of a victim it takes over, preventing you from trying to achieve what you want. You fear that things will turn out bad just like they always do and this fear will keep you from even trying.
You eventually end up in the vicious circle of victim mentality instead of just going for it. Make things happen, instead of focusing on things that may perhaps go wrong.
While you may have a victim mentality, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are victimized, rather you suffer from a perpetually pessimistic worldview where you only see the negative and are incapable of seeing the positive.
Sometimes things just don’t work out but then again often they do. It’s like a flip of a coin, sometimes it’s heads, sometimes tails. To expect the coin to land the same way each and every time is not only irrational, but it’s also borderline pathological.
Tips on How to Stop Being a Victim
A person with a victim mentality becomes poisoned and blinded from seeing not only the good in themselves but also from seeing the good in others and in the world around them. Here are a few tips on turning your life around.
Tip#1 Reflect on Your Past
A victim mentality that seeps into adulthood is something that starts in your childhood. As a kid, you probably had to relinquish some control, but maybe your parents didn’t ease you into taking responsibility and becoming an independent adult.
Another possible scenario is that you had a parent who constantly whined and complained about every little thing in life, including you.
This would have created a hole in your self-esteem and confidence. As the first step, you need to reflect on your past and accept the responsibility of your victim mentality. It’s the first step to stop being a victim.
Tip#2 Examine the Present
Take a clear and precise look at your present situation. Explore the areas where you feel victimized the most. For instance, family expectations can create a loss of control whenever they are around you.
Tip# 3 Examine Who Controls Your Life
Honestly examine who has the most control in your life. For instance, you may believe that your supervisor at work controls every move you make.
If you delve deeper into the relationship you may realize you have willingly given that person more control because you feel it is easier to be in less control and have fewer responsibilities.
Tip#4 Change Roles
Make a decisive change as to which role you want to play in life, the victim or the victor. If you want to let go of victimization, you must begin banishing those feelings of hopelessness and helplessness from your mind.
You must learn to stop pointing fingers at everything and everyone and instead focus inward, then you will see that many of the obstacles in your path are ones you placed there yourself.
Tip#5 List Out Affirmations
Once you decide to stop being a victim, create a list of affirmations such as “I’m in complete control of my life”, “I’m confident enough to dive deep into this thing” and “I strongly believe I can save myself from this darkness”.
Tip#6 Surround yourself with positive people
The so-called “law of attraction” is a phrase you hear a lot from the more new-age spectrum of the self-help community.
Truth is there’s nothing mystical or “secret” about positive thinking and positive people, it’s actually quite down-to-earth common sense.
Think about it; if you go to a party and there are loads of people there singing, dancing and having a good time, chances are you’ll have a good time too.
But if you go in there and everyone’s just sitting there moping into their glasses, drinking silently, chances are you’ll have a miserable one. Success and happiness work the same way.
Happy positive people are happy when you’re happy, they fill you full of confidence and they congratulate you when you succeed.
Unhappy negative people will always try to drag you down, they fill you full of doubt and self-loathing and they’ll be bitter when you succeed, “oh you think you’re a bigshot now huh?”
As you go through life you’ll meet plenty of both categories. You’ll meet people who do nothing but scoff and sneer at everything. You’ll meet whiners who try to bring you down and drama queens who try to drown you in their bitterness and bile.
I call this sort of people “energy vampires” – they suck the very life out of everyone around them. So don’t let yourself get put under their spell.
A victim mentality may bring on tension, stress, and panic symptoms such as shortness of breath. You need to learn how to let it go.
Let out all that negative energy until you feel at peace. Meditate – imagine being free from the victim mentality and you will breathe a sigh of relief. It is tiring and draining to be a victim in every little aspect of life.
At bedtime, relax your muscles and close your eyes, picture the life you want to live. All you need to do now is to live a life that is free, and stop being a victim.