So, relationships are hard sometimes. In fact, sometimes it’s easier to climb into your shell and hope and pray, whatever you’ve done will be forgotten and forgiven and you can move on quickly. Sometimes women are a bit like a Camaro.
Obviously after some good healing make up sex. We all know the signs, it starts with the silent treatment, interspersed with long, loud sighs, the unusually tight set jaw and the complete lock down of any sort of carnal workout, at all.
But what can sometimes be the most perplexing is that sometimes. Not all the time, but sometimes, you can be completely in the dark about what you have actually done wrong.
This is where I am going to give a little guidance. Obviously, I am not tackling any big ones here. If you’ve bet the house on a nag that didn’t come in, I can’t help you.
If you got shitfaced and felt her bestie up at grandad’s funeral, again, there is no help to be found here.
5 Ways to help if you relationship are hard
However if your just a bit of a communication disaster – you might find a little bit of enlightenment among these top 5 ways you drive her crazy and you don’t even know it tips.
Societal conditioning is the normal
Because of the differences in our societal conditioning, this is much harder than it seems. Men have generationally been bought up to carry the burden of career, finances, getting ahead and providing.
While, thankfully with the rise of feminism, this burden is now shared much more equitably, but the legacy and the weight of this burden, still can get us down.
When this is the case, it is very easy to go quiet, to regroup and want solitude to get our head in the space to fight another battle.
Because our other halves come from a different societal conditioning, they don’t understand this closure. Women are fixers they want to be able to fix things and make everything good again.
This trait, is exactly what we need most of the time, we rely on them to make us feel good about ourselves.
But when you go quiet, its dangerous… her mind is then going a million miles an hour thinking what could be wrong.
I guarantee you what she is thinking is far worse than what is actually going on! So keep it simple, you don’t need to go into any depth, you probably don’t want to even talk about it, but if you feel yourself closing down, a simple, “hey, work was shit today, I really need to chill, for a bit, I might go to the shed/for a ride/to the gym etc”.
This lets her know, there is nothing too major he has to worry about, after all, she’s had shit days at work to, it gives her a reason, she then gets you need some space, and it gives you an out.
If you really want to sugar coat it and feel you might need some loving later, Id throw in a babe or a love you just to seal the deal.
Communication is the start
Again, this can be a biggie, but with a little communication (see No.1) you might avoid some mistakes.
Now every relationship has a different formula, as to how finances are shared. That is completely cool in this day and age.
But when it comes to money, it can get prickly, you can be walking in a mine laden SE Asian field and not even know it.
Keep it simple, if you go out, don’t feel you have to pay for everything, most modern women, are pretty good at paying their own way. But don’t be a scrooge either.
Money matters in a relationship
You obviously like this chick and if you feel it is a good investment in your future. Splash some cash around.
If your shacked up and you’ve got most of the finances sorted, be respectful, her priorities, are not always going to be yours, so have a chat, my advice is to keep it light hearted, and write it down.
If you have goals, share them if she has goals respect them. Not one person in the relationship should carry all the financial burden, nor should only one have all the fun.
Remember no one should have to pay for sex, so if you think your getting the rough end of the pineapple, bring it up and be specific.
If she thinks she is, have a look at yourself and your effort, compromise within each other financial capabilities should be the goal here.
Does friends make the relationship too hard
Now this can be a tightrope. Whether its your friends or hers, you know your going to have to navigate some tight emotional bonds here.
Generally, you would communicate with her friends, like you do yours. This is not always the best move. Treat them respectfully, this little band of merry women, could hold your happiness at ransom, remember this.
In saying this, I don’t condone, tolerating any shit from them either. So instead of fighting back if it gets heated and Brenda is 2 bottles down at your kitchen table telling you xyz, be smart, suck it up.
She’s wasted and it could go to heck at any minute.
But, tomorrow, tomorrow is when you swoop in, and lay your cards on the table. Ok, so you’ve been the bigger person on the night, but you’ve got Brenda in your sights.
Darling is a little under the weather, after a big night, so this is when you make your move. Don’t overdo it, coffee, and a very soothing, understanding tone is required.
Obviously shes going to want to dissect the night and this is when you strike. You MUST NOT make her the enemy, your girl is smart, she knows what went down, you just need to manipulate those emotional ties and you are a hero.
Start with a jovial, reference to the event, you’ve washed it off, like the bigger person, after all. When she engages, your next move will be … wait for it … how it made you feel.
Once you’ve gone down this road you are carrying the ball. You need to emphasis how you let it go for the sake of the friendship. You really felt attacked and humiliated.
Now…your darling will launch into full mother Mary mode about here, poor Brenda will not have a chance, you’ve won, it’s a try!
You’ve managed to combine being a hero and a victim in one exchange and she will love you all the more for it.
Family can make relationships harder
Ohhhhhh we all have them. And in fairness hers are going to be no worse than yours, they’re just going to have nuances that you’re not really used to or know how to handle well.
There is easy rules around family. If her Aunts hot, be friendly but don’t ogle. If her Uncle is a dick, nod and laugh and extract yourself politely.
Now the real issues are going to be Mum, Dad, Stepmum, Stepdad. My general rule is to try to align yourself with one of the steps.
Let’s face it their struggling in the family dynamic like you. They’ve come in late, they’re navigating the cauldron of love, contempt, jealousy etc too. Now in saying that,take her cue.
If she cant stand the new stepmum, clearly you need to keep some distance. The trick here is to not get too involved.
If she needs to vent about family members, let her, and agree. This should be a given, after all its her family and she can control the mood within the relationship.
With your family, make it clear who your aligned with and who pushes your buttons. Ask her to support her and if she needs an explanation, tell her why your allegiances lie the way they do.
Be careful though, as previously discussed, women like to fix things. If you don’t want her interference, let her know that you just cant go there yet, thank her and tell her you will think about what she’s suggested.
But at the end of the day your family is yours and hers is hers and a respectful distance can save a lot of grief.
Take some time out
Time Out – or more simply put, running amuck with the boys. Ok I have tackled this one last as it can be a bit of a can of worms. We all need a bit of us time.
It keeps us who we are as individuals and strengthens the friendships we need with our mates. We all have different ways we connect and blow off steam, so this is going to be a general guide.
One of the biggest issues when it comes from having me time is the trust issue. Its easy to discredit this, but nowadays, lets be honest it’s the easiest time ever to be a player.
And I am not here to sit in judgement. You do you boo. But if you want your cake and to eat it to, go old school suave. I suggest if your planning, do some extra special lovin up prior to the weekend away.
Don’t go overboard, she will smell a rat, remember, you’re a quality guy, your missus isn’t stupid. Flowers are a no.
Too much, you want to just tell her how special she is (they love that) drop in some future planning references, (this lets her know your thinking long term), you could even drop the old.
Oh I don’t know about going away for Kev’s birthday. Again be careful here, don’t overuse it, you will find yourself in a cabin in the mountains, going to Saturday markets.
Do the markets – Connect with the boys
Actually talking markets, the weekend before, I would suggest you do something that is her thing. This is sure to win you brownie points and negates the we haven’t done anything forever argument.
Then when the time comes, you can tell her how your really looking forward to just connecting with the boys.
You’ve really been feeling the work stress lately and your balance is all out of whack. This then elevates the weekend to mental health status, and she is going to love that your looking after yourself.
Now I am not going to tell you to behave, after all what goes on at camp, stays at camp. But seriously, you know yourself your missus is going to get the girls over and their going to end up at the local singing karaoke and drinking shots.
So by Sunday you will have nothing to worry about. A couple of shit faced texts during the night and you are a winner!
