Unless you have an extremely open and honest sexual relationship with your partner, which is ideal and something that we all should work towards. You might find yourself going through a bit of a sexual drought from time to time.
This happens for a variety of reasons and in reality, only a small percentage of those reasons are personal.
- She just doesn’t find you attractive anymore
- You have been together for 20 years and have grown in different directions
- The kids or the dog is more of a priority
In these cases, I can’t really help you, your relationship needs some bigger conversations than what is on offer here!
But for the rest of us, where life has got in the way, and the kitchen bench really is used mostly for food prep nowadays, I want to offer a glimmer of hope.
After all, it’s the holiday season and we could all do with a cracker being unleashed.
How To Reconnect With Your Partner
This year has been unlike any we have had to navigate before, and the holiday season gives us an opportunity to connect again with the people we love.
It is a connection that we need and the better the connection, the better the communication and the better the sex. It sounds easy doesn’t it, so why is it so common for it to be so difficult?
I am going to give you some simple tips to give her a great, well-deserved rise, after all, do not think we girls don’t miss the lost connection either, we just have plenty of other things to worry about.
This leads us to my first tip:
Look around her, not just at her.
Okay, this is first for a reason.
Women are naturally nurturers and they will look after everyone around them, including you!
This burden of responsibility can sometimes take on a life of its own, that even she wants an escape from, so have a look at what’s going on in her life.
Who’s calling/texting her constantly, and this is not a jealousy issue, what I mean here is who is draining her, what is draining her, and is her work crap? Do you even know?
If you don’t know it means she’s closed up and is in survival mode.
This mode has no sexual drive at all, you need to rescue that girl. And that’s what you guys are good at, rescue.
So instead of going to the grope at 10 o’clock at night, for a quick, how about, trying, a “babe you look tired, I’ll do dinner, don’t stress, love you see you tonight”.
This … let me emphasize that THIS text will be her idea of an aphrodisiac, now don’t screw this up, get the dinner, buy some wine, and talk to her.
Try to find out what’s going on in her life, and connect with her, she will be so grateful, and trust me, so will you!
Timing
Okay, so you’ve taken on tip #1, well done! Now this one is important too, timing. Think about when you can relax with her.
It is pointless planning a sexually connecting encounter if life is going to get in the way, so you’re going to have to think about timing and how “your time” is going to fit in with your life to give it the quality it deserves.
Ask her, what she has on that week, like you are interested, after all, you should be. It’s easy, babe what’s on with you this week? Do you need me to do anything?
This works for you too, if you start this dialogue, she’s going to be touched that, frankly you give a shit, and in turn, this could be a dialogue habit that makes the whole household run more smoothly.
She will also want to reciprocate, so with this subtle little communication change, you might find you both have more time and are closer, and bingo, happy days… and nights!
No Pressure Babe
Very, VERY, few women in long-term relationships, give a fuck about their partner’s sexual frustrations.
Trust me, and it amuses me that so many men still think the “Jesus babe it’s been 4 days I’m dying here …” is an effective argument in getting some. Let me be clear…. ITS NOT.
They don’t care, if you somehow die from your engorged balls, in fact, some days the life insurance dreams transcend any affection we have for you.
I know I’m sounding harsh, but for women who have worked, birthed, raised children, been divorced, remarried, whatever and whoever.
We have gone through more physical and emotional pain, than most men and we see you as weak as fuck with this argument and the last thing we want to do for at least another four days is go anywhere near your penis, in any way
So I need to be harsh here because you guys don’t get it, if you beg it turns us off, if you guilt, it turns us off, if you pressure, it turns us off, and you probably already know how quickly 4 days turns into 8!
Take heed sexual warriors and hasten slowly!
It’s not about money
There is nothing wrong with flowers from the servo on the way home, so please if that’s your thing, don’t let me stop you.
For me, it has never been a big winner, but I’m not the straightest knife in the door. I want to make it clear, when looking for ways to have great sex with your partner, it doesn’t need to be about money.
It should be about relaxation and connection and uninhibited joy. It is individual to each couple which is what makes you, as a couple unique
If sex to you and her is lingerie and candles and flowers and dinner and wine, good for you. If you know she likes to feel luxurious and spoilt, you’ve nailed it, and good for you!
If it’s camping 2 nights in a forest, smoking joints, and having deep conversations over red wine in an esky, then again. Congratulations boy you’re going to have mind-blowing sex!
Whatever your couple thing is, encourage it and embrace it because if it has worked for her in the past when things were new and lovely and lustful
It will work again, it might just take a little more …. Communication and connection to get you there, but it will be worth it!!
Is she bored?
I know this is not easy to hear, but maybe, you’ve both put on a few kilos, you’re a bit too complacent, your secure, you’re frankly boring and she’s bored.
This is a thing, in fact, women having affairs has increased by over 35% in the last decade, while men having affairs has decreased.
Interesting isn’t it, we women are independent now and we are also a little more aware of our value. So we expect more, and frankly, it’s not hard to expect more with some of you guys. No offense but seriously you don’t turn us on in boxers and a beer like you used to.
Be conscious of this, and be an active engaged sexual partner. Talk to her about what she wants, and go outside your comfort zone too, I guarantee you’ll enjoy it!
Talk about threesomes, foursomes or swingers’ clubs strap-ons. Whatever she is interested in, jump in, after all, what have you got to lose?
You are going to explore your sexuality and hers together. Let her lead, don’t judge, watch some porn and see what gets her… excited.
After all, as a couple, you shouldn’t stop exploring. If you’re committed you’re going to be shagging together for a lot of years. It should be the best you can make it!
Learning how to reconnect with your partner doesn’t need to be hard. Communication is something that is free and easier to do than you think.
